Life Happens!

Hey everyone,

It has been awhile for me posting, I think the main reason is because of the hurt I had been feeling about the whole Amber episode, it has been a really hard thing for me to deal with. I haven't said much on my blog for fear of someone hearing about it and then shutting off on me all to gether. I don't understand how come, some one could not want to be with the TOPH. I mean I'm handsome, fun, full of the Holy Spirit, compassionate, loving, stable, have a good job, I'm a pastor, love the Lord, love to worship, am good at speaking about God, I can be a very deep person, a good cook, in great shape, and so many more things, How could you not like to be with someone like that? Someone who would care for you when your sick and encourage you when your down, make you laugh when you didn'y think it was possible. Come along side you and support you in the your ministry but also have my own. I just am perplexed at why this girl doesn't like me?

I have a great time with her, we laugh and have fun but why does it have to be like this, why can't God just take her off my heart so I would stop thinking about her? I asked Him to take away those thought if they weren't from Him, but all that has happened in the two months since our short lived relationship is that the feelings have increased, why is that? I don't understand? part of the reason to is I have no idea what she thinks about me now. Does she even think about maybe having a relationship with me or will I never have that chance again? Does she ever think about me? This all sucks because I really was so excited abou the way our relationship was going and this has been a huge obstacle for me. I didn't even know how to act around her. I took a victim's mentality and everytime I would see her I would think about being rejected and then when I interacted with her it was like rejection. I was doing great with all of this but now I am not so sure.

On a more positive note, God has been doing some awesome things with me. My new jobis going great. I like the people I work with and it is full time and I like the work, it's nice also to have the weekends off. I have been given many opportunities in worship and am growing in my confidence of playing on a worship team. Tonight at Harp and Bowl I was really excited because it was fun and God was giving me a chance through that to experiment with my playing. I get to play like three to four times a week it's awesome and I love it. God has also been giving some great opportunities to speak. Last week I taught the little kids class about healing, made up my own lesson plan with game and everything. On Wednesday I preached to the youth group and that went really well. I had several kids that responded to the message and God gave me the opportunity to speak to this one girl that He has been putting on my heart since I first got here to Horizon. I am really busy and really blessed. The only thing that has been slipping is my time of physical workouts. I haven't been running much which is disappointing because I was going to try to qualify for the Boston Marathon in October at the Portland Marathon. That will not happen if I don't do the training.

Well I should go this is way to long and I could keep going, Peace out to you all,

Love
The Toph