Breaking the Silence!

Well, I really need to get back to blogging so I am breaking my silence. The main reason why I have silenced myself is because this wonderful, awesome, beautiful, great woman that I have been talking about before and who actually accepted my offer to be my girlfriend, decided that she did not want to be in this relationship anymore.
I have had a hard time with this whole situation because I really felt like the Lord was going to let this whole thing happen smoothly but unfortunately that wasn't the case. I regret asking her to be my girlfriend because when she decided that wasn't something what she wanted, we totally lost the great relationship and friendship that was building. Now what we have is ackwardness and avoidance. I miss just getting to hang out with her and talk and actually have her open herself up to me in conversation, now if we get a chance to talk it is very surfacy and not at all like it was. I really miss that relationship. I also really miss just hanging out with her and joking and having fun, now she keeps me at a distance. I can't say that I blame her though because of the situation, I am sure she feels bad about the way things happened. She doesn't want to lead me on, I understand, I just hope that she doesn't totally forget about me and the relationship that we did have.
I invested my heart to much into this relationship because I really felt like it was in the right timing and that God was going to work it out. I think I put to much hope into it so that makes it hard for me even now almost a month after it all happened. I just want everyone to know that Amber is a great girl and I have no bad feelings toward her. I actually am glad that she told me this now rather than sometime in the future after I had invested more of my heart towards her.
This is all I am going to say about this issue, I just needed to say something.
In all actuality though I still don't understand why exactly she broke up with me but I guess I will figure it out someday?

I am writing this because I have to be a secretary at my Funeral home job today and all of next week. I just gave my two weeks notice at the funeral home. The boss was sorry to hear me go and told me I could stay on as a casual help team which keeps me with the company but I choose if I want to work or not. He wasn't able to counteroffer for me but that is OK this may work out better for me. The new job told me that I will be hired as soon as the background check goes through, they told me I could give two weeks notice if I knew I would pass the test so I did. The new job offers 11 an hour. Monday-Friday 8-5 with weekends off. I will also get benefits after 90 days. So I am pretty stoked about that. I can get extra work though Bonney Watson on the weekends and stuff when they are busy. For instance driving a limousine for a service for about 3 hours or so on a Saturday would pay me 17 dollars an hour.

In about 12 hours, at 4:45 AM I will be embarking on a great journey called the Seattle to Portland Bike ride. I will be riding 204 miles in one day! I am crazy I know but I always like to set big goals. The longest ride I have ever done in one day is 100 miles in 7 hours 30 minutes so I will probably be done anywhere from 13-16 hours of riding. I think I am ready to do this though the last two weeks I have done around 200 miles each week and they say what you can ride in a week you can ride in a day. I am excited for it. Tonight we are going out for a spaghetti carboloading dinner for me. My great friends Jeremy and Meg and Adam and Amanda are all coming to support me. Jeremy is my coach and mechanic and the rest are for moral support. Jeremy and Adam are thinking about riding along with me for part of the race to.

Well I am going to try to post more again about my thoughts and life for those that like to follow the goings on off The Toph. Love ya all. Also this Sunday I am doing a teaching about hearing God to the youth Sunday school class and also I am teaching the children about Healing at the end of the month on a wednesday.

One last thing, I was involved witha Harp and Bowl worship team last night. It was a lot of fun and I really liked playing although I did feel a little uncomfortable. I think that is just because God is stretching me in regards to playing percussion on a team and in front of people I don't know. I really had fun though. I hope I didn't sound to horrible. Bye all love ya!