Blah!

I guess I must not be very interesting anymore. No one likes to make comments about my posts boo hoo! What a baby and a whiner I can be. Just kidding, trying to get some comments and see that people actually still come on here to find out what is happening with THE TOPH.

I am sad because I feel like my friendship with Amber has been lost, I think I'm going to talk to her and try to reestablish it, because losing her as a friend sucks even more than her not wanting to be with me. It just makes me feel like I had no impact on her life, like I wasn't even a blip on her radar screen. Well, I will keep this short because I know people aren't into reading my long posts. God is good and I love Him very much.

The Toph

I Love the Lord!!

Well, the Lord has been doing some really awesome things in me personally. I am at one of the healthiest points I have ever been at in my whole life. I believe that I have handled this whole situation with Amber in a very healthy way, sure there was some weirdness there for about a month or so but things are beginning to change which I am glad because I really believed that our friendship was going to be non existent for awhile. Ministry opportunities are going great.

Thi slast week we had our Broomball event and of course everyone had a great time. We had around 50 to 60 people participate which was awesome. I have had increased times of teaching lately. People have been asking me to speak and that is cool because I love to speak. I have not started yet but I would like to start working or hanging out with the Ethiopian church on Sundays. Healing Rooms ministry is awesome! Last week I prayed for people and at the end of the night I looked down at my hands and there were flecks of gold on them it was super cool. At first I thought oh it's probably just someglitter or something from the oil. But this week I substituted for someone who did not show and I looked at my hands before we started praying and noticed the flecks of gold again, this was before I used any oil or anything. God is awesome, I am so blessed by what He is doing, I love Him and through that all these other things are falling into place in my life I love it.

In about one week I am going to start training hardcore for the next big physical challenge in my life, qualifying for the Boston Marathon. To do that I must finish a marathon in 3 hours 10 minutes, my best time so far 3 hours 37 minutes. I will be training to beat that this year at the Portland Marathon where I have my best time. The race is in October so I am going to try to run 5 days a week appoxiamately 50- 60 miles per week.

I start my new job on Monday. I finally got a full time job again. Monday-friday 8-5 pays 11 dollars an hour. I also will be getting benefits after 90 days. I am going to be working in an apartment complex as a groundskeeper. Basically I will be changing all the garbages and taking care of the recycling stuff, not the best job in the world but not that bad either and there is more of an opportunity of advancement with this place. I will also be stayng on witht he funeral home as an extra casual help person. Basically they will call me if they need me and I have the choice of saying yes or no. I will get some extra cash if I feel like working. Might be nice!

Anyway that is my update , love you man!

Got to accentuate the positive!

Do you know how it feels to be thinking about someone alot during your day but not able to act or react about your situation? I have been having a hard time with this. I think about Amber constantly and really hate the position that I am in now. Everytime I see her I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. It's really hard. I only went out with her for such a short time but I really believed that God was finally going to bring a girl that would accept me for who I am and fall in love with me, because let's be honest there is a lot to love about me. I am a super great guy that absolutely loves the Lord and worshiping Him and serving Him, I am a romantic guy who has a lot of heart and I really believe I showed that, I am an athletic guy, I think that is good, I love kids, friends , furry animals and all that.

So how is it that a wonderful girl like Amber can start to fall for someone like that and then 1 week later do a total 180 degree turn, I am still baffled? I really wanted her to be the one that walked beside me and fell in love with me. Why can't I have that? It sucks. I haven't spent practically anytime with her, I have no idea what is going on in her life. Did I even make an impact in her life? Did she already forget about the loving caring awesome individual that I am? I don't know but all I do know is that this sucks.

On a more positive note, I finished the STP in one day. It took me 12 hours and 45 minutes not bad for a rookie I guess. My next big goal is to qualify for Boston, hopefully that will come when I run the Portland Marathon in October. I really am keeping a good attitude about all this although I still do go through times like right now. I say Amber tonight and it just brought a whole bunch of stuff right up in my face and man Ireally like that girl even through all this.

Breaking the Silence!

Well, I really need to get back to blogging so I am breaking my silence. The main reason why I have silenced myself is because this wonderful, awesome, beautiful, great woman that I have been talking about before and who actually accepted my offer to be my girlfriend, decided that she did not want to be in this relationship anymore.
I have had a hard time with this whole situation because I really felt like the Lord was going to let this whole thing happen smoothly but unfortunately that wasn't the case. I regret asking her to be my girlfriend because when she decided that wasn't something what she wanted, we totally lost the great relationship and friendship that was building. Now what we have is ackwardness and avoidance. I miss just getting to hang out with her and talk and actually have her open herself up to me in conversation, now if we get a chance to talk it is very surfacy and not at all like it was. I really miss that relationship. I also really miss just hanging out with her and joking and having fun, now she keeps me at a distance. I can't say that I blame her though because of the situation, I am sure she feels bad about the way things happened. She doesn't want to lead me on, I understand, I just hope that she doesn't totally forget about me and the relationship that we did have.
I invested my heart to much into this relationship because I really felt like it was in the right timing and that God was going to work it out. I think I put to much hope into it so that makes it hard for me even now almost a month after it all happened. I just want everyone to know that Amber is a great girl and I have no bad feelings toward her. I actually am glad that she told me this now rather than sometime in the future after I had invested more of my heart towards her.
This is all I am going to say about this issue, I just needed to say something.
In all actuality though I still don't understand why exactly she broke up with me but I guess I will figure it out someday?

I am writing this because I have to be a secretary at my Funeral home job today and all of next week. I just gave my two weeks notice at the funeral home. The boss was sorry to hear me go and told me I could stay on as a casual help team which keeps me with the company but I choose if I want to work or not. He wasn't able to counteroffer for me but that is OK this may work out better for me. The new job told me that I will be hired as soon as the background check goes through, they told me I could give two weeks notice if I knew I would pass the test so I did. The new job offers 11 an hour. Monday-Friday 8-5 with weekends off. I will also get benefits after 90 days. So I am pretty stoked about that. I can get extra work though Bonney Watson on the weekends and stuff when they are busy. For instance driving a limousine for a service for about 3 hours or so on a Saturday would pay me 17 dollars an hour.

In about 12 hours, at 4:45 AM I will be embarking on a great journey called the Seattle to Portland Bike ride. I will be riding 204 miles in one day! I am crazy I know but I always like to set big goals. The longest ride I have ever done in one day is 100 miles in 7 hours 30 minutes so I will probably be done anywhere from 13-16 hours of riding. I think I am ready to do this though the last two weeks I have done around 200 miles each week and they say what you can ride in a week you can ride in a day. I am excited for it. Tonight we are going out for a spaghetti carboloading dinner for me. My great friends Jeremy and Meg and Adam and Amanda are all coming to support me. Jeremy is my coach and mechanic and the rest are for moral support. Jeremy and Adam are thinking about riding along with me for part of the race to.

Well I am going to try to post more again about my thoughts and life for those that like to follow the goings on off The Toph. Love ya all. Also this Sunday I am doing a teaching about hearing God to the youth Sunday school class and also I am teaching the children about Healing at the end of the month on a wednesday.

One last thing, I was involved witha Harp and Bowl worship team last night. It was a lot of fun and I really liked playing although I did feel a little uncomfortable. I think that is just because God is stretching me in regards to playing percussion on a team and in front of people I don't know. I really had fun though. I hope I didn't sound to horrible. Bye all love ya!